Creating the Confidence to do Anything!
I believe having confidence is the most potent form or energy you can hold. Confidence is a superpower. A powerful vitality that inspires action, creates momentum, and unlocks the empowerment to be exactly who you want to be.
Being a coach, many people will tell me, “Well, I’m just not confident. I’ve never been a confident person”. Confidence is not a characteristic we’re either born with or without. It’s something we create within ourselves, by being inspired by what we believe in our own minds.
Many people will tell you that confidence comes when you’ve mastered something. To be confident at something means you have to have more experience with it. You have to be good at something to be confident at it.
This is the worst belief you can have about confidence. If you were to see the world like this, then how would you get anything done, let alone pursue a big goal? Confidence must come from your mind, regardless of the practice, the experience, or the competency of your past.
If you don’t believe me, let me ask you this…
What if you didn’t have to impress anyone? What if you didn’t have to win? What if, at the end of the day, you were content with feeling any emotion that comes up for you?
I believe that when you are willing to allow yourself to feel any kind of emotion and understand that those emotions mean you’re human, then you’re more willing to take action, that you wouldn’t otherwise be willing to take. That’s what confidence is. Taking action in the face of any emotion.
Many people will suspend their ability to be confident in order to indulge in self-doubt, because somehow, over time, we’ve been taught that confidence requires a level of excellence. With this line of illogical thinking, it makes self-doubt seem safe, but really, self-doubt is only hiding you away from a certain emotion. Self-doubt gets you nowhere. It’s not protecting you from anything that could hurt you. The worst that can happen is an emotion. So instead of shying away from the emotion you create in your mind before you try something, try that thing first, experience it, and feel what lies on the other side. You never know, what lies on the other side of trying, could be exactly what you were looking for the whole time.
Confidence is not really complicated. Just like all aspects of mindset, confidence comes from your thinking. You can’t go and get some confidence, you have to feel confidence and the only way to feel something, is to think something.
If you notice that you’re going into situations, not feeling confident, it’s most likely because you’re not managing your mind and you’re not congruent with what you’re saying and what you actually believe. When you manage your mind and you believe that what you’re saying is true and is useful and helpful, you’re going to feel more confident. Anytime you go into a conversation of any kind, and you feel like you need to defend yourself or stand up for yourself, most of those feelings comes from a place of insecurity.
The feeling of insecurity comes from being too focused on how you’re going to be perceived or what someone is going to think about you, rather than offering value to the conversation. The only way to feel confident, is to separate what you say, from who you are.
If you know your worth and the value of what you saying and you know that what you’re adding to the conversation is amazing, then how the other person interprets it, shouldn’t matter. If the other person interprets what you’re saying, in a way you didn’t mean, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. There might be a clash of beliefs, but that’s normal, every person has their own set of beliefs and that’s a part of what makes us human.
All that confidence is, is being able to say what you truly believe, and be ok with having other people disagree with it, if they choose to. That’s where true confidence comes from.
Every action you take or anything you want to express in life, you want to be able to stand behind it and be proud of it. There’s nothing that creates confidence more than knowing that you have nothing to hide. Stand up for yourself, your thoughts and your beliefs and own them.
So what do we need to believe to build confidence in ourselves?
First of all, you need to know that what you’re saying or doing is valuable. What you have to share matters. When you believe that what you have is valuable to others and you stand by it, confidence will outweigh the feeling of judgement. This also helps your ego, because when you’re coming from a place of love and wanting to share your value and your worth, it then becomes about the recipient and not about yourself.
Giving is one of the best things you can do to help your confidence shine. When you think about what your giving rather than the habitual cloud of self-doubt, you’re going to be more focused on what you’re delivering and the value that you have to share.
The act of being confident is a skill and skills need to be practised. If you want to have confidence, going into your next conversation, ask yourself, “How am I feeling about what I’m saying? And why am I saying it?” If you have any negative emotion around this, and you’re just feeding that negative emotion with your thoughts, you know it’s something you need to go back and find some congruence with.
If what you’re saying is coming from a place of doubt, it’s because of the way you’re thinking about it. The only truth is the truth that you decide to believe. If you don’t believe what you’re saying out loud, then uncertainty and a lack of confidence will rear it’s ugly head.
Say what you honestly believe, be confident is your own belief systems, give as much value as you can and be open to the fact, that some people may have different beliefs or different interpretations to you and that’s just fine. Your confidence has nothing to do with other peoples’ opinions, it has everything to do with the value and worth your bring to the world.